Being content.

con·tent·ment
noun: contentment
1. 
a state of happiness and satisfaction

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Sometimes it seems things will never get done. Or compared to others, we are far behind. Social media can be awesome and also horrible. We moved into our farmhouse two years ago, yet we purchased it two years prior to that. We moved in and it was like a hop into the 90s. Ugly wall paper, drop ceilings, no fridge, no kitchen sink, the carpet was horrible, the list goes on. And I am someone that wants it perfect now.

I can remember R saying how fun it would be to purchase a house and “slowly work on it”. I hated that word: slowly. It seems that we can never get things done all at once. I’ll see others who move into houses and fix it up in just months. I’ll never understand how they do it! And I’m over here still deciding if I want my kitchen cabinets grey or blue…and I’ve been wondering this for four years!

Our garden is a constant source of dissatisfaction. Did I grow enough? Are there too many weeds? Why doesn’t it look pretty? I compare my life to others and to pictures on line, movies I’ve seen, places I’ve been. But that’s not the reality. Even my flower gardens, which up until recently, refused to show any color other than green, can be a source of anxiety and jealousy.

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So how are we to be content?

First off, you must discover how these feelings even came about: (1) Stop comparing yourself, your life, and your home to others. It’s not even fair. Of course I won’t have a field of lavender–I live in the wrong climate! So it’s not fair to go outside and scream at your herb garden to grow taller when you just planted it this spring.

Another thought is (2) to focus on what you do have. So instead of thinking about how my couch is from the 90s, the ceilings in multiple rooms need to be worked on, the floor is a mess, and the fact that I want to blow up the kitchen and start again–hey! You purchased a house when you were 22. That, in itself, is a blessing. Don’t focus on the wrong things. Now, I make a check list and tackle them one at a time. Whereas, a year ago, I simply got frustrated and cried.

Small victories.

Like a few days ago, we purchased a chest freezer. All those berries, peppers, herbs, and soon to be, dead birds, all have a place to stay now instead of my tiny house freezer. A victory for sure!

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I find myself torn between two worlds. When I am unhappy with this area I simply pity myself for ever moving out of NYC. Do I ever think about how unsafe I felt there? Not when it’s an inconvenience to my pity party!

I wanted a life where I could produce good. And food was always a concern for me. Thinking about the panic attacks I had in NYC about the air quality is something I don’t want to worry about on a daily basis. But living in the North Country also has its less than desirable traits–like freezing cold temperatures and the longest winter seasons. And when you are at home days on end with just a dog and several barn cats, it can get kind of crazy.

This season we have a lot of renovation plans. I’ll be sure to share them. But I will keep peace in mind and remember to just enjoy the ride. Not to compare my home to others. Each is unique. Each is going through its own development. And R and I are different people with different tastes. Slowly but surely I’ll learn to be content.

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